My 18 month LDS mission in the Philippines: week 56

Week 56

Well this was a really fun week in the mission. Also a really productive one. Happy November everyone! My companion and I have been blessed with many opportunities to find in the last while. It's always exciting to follow up with new investigators. Also, we had Elder Robbins visit the mission. On Tuesday we got to hear from him. Then it rained all week! And yesterday, we left for marinduque. We got here just in time to catch the end of a special broadcast where Elder Oaks spoke to all of the members in the Philippines. Then today we had zone p-day with the Marinduque zone. And tomorrow we will go on exchanges with the sisters here.

So Elder Robbins taught us a lot about the doctrine of agency. He talked about having 100% agency, which means we also have 100% responsibility. He talked a lot about how we need to take greater responsibility for the choices we make. I loved the Spirit that we felt during that meeting. It was so uplifting. I was so touched by the way he taught. It was not demeaning, and I didn't feel like we were getting chastised. It was so full of love and it really just let the Spirit work within me to realize the changes i need to continue to make.

I wanted to share something from this past week that I had been struggling with. I felt a lack of direction while we were teaching towards the middle of the week. I feel like I am at the point in my mission where teaching feels natural and comfortable. And i feel very reliant on the Spirit to hep me know what to say. We had a few experiences where I just felt my mind go blank. It scared me. I felt my confidence totally drop and I started stumbling for words a little bit when I would speak. Then we had this one lesson with a less active. Her house had a really awful feel to it, but we went in anyway and began teaching. I felt sick to my stomach right away as she began telling us her many concerns. She expressed to us how confused she was because of some unique experiences with being healed. I felt like my mouth was glued shut. It was so weird! I literally could not speak. And my mind was completely empty. I felt helpless. I wanted to help this woman and my companion but i physically could not move. After we left, my companion had us sit down somewhere across the road and she asked if i was okay. I just started crying. I felt like The Spirit had completely abandoned me. I was searching my mind to find what I had done wrong, or what would maybe be causing that. After taking sometime to breathe, and lots of prayers we got up and went to the last lesson of the night. After that I was fine, I felt like I could teach again. I still have some questions in my mind as to why that happened. But it taught me to have greater humility. And to never ever take for granted the gift of the Holy Ghost. They say we won't understand some experiences we had on our missions until much later. I think that will be one of them.

On a more positive note, I have been studying the missionary chapters in the Book of Mormon and I just love reading about the faith of those men. So as one of my personal goals, I am studying having unshaken faith. And finding ways every day to strengthen it. I love this(: This time is priceless. I know it's the Lord's work. And I am so blessed to be doing it in the Philippines!

Love